I got chris browned last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
