I am in a vortex of obligation.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
