Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Girls should come with a carfax report
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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