If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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