My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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