So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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