maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
