well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
