He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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