I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
