i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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