Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
