I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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