so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
