I can text with my tongue
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
