i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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