I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
