I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
