he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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