So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
