I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
