I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
