Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
