you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
