My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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