So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
