so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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