And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize