If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
