his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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