i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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