i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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