I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize