My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
where are you?
Hypothermia
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
