So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize