i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
