My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize