i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Randomize
