Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize