yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We just shotgunned beers for America
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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