she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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