That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
