I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
