Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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