She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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