Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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