i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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