he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
