U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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