Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
