: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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