I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
