We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
