I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
