There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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