so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
