Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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