i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's shark week go big or go home
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