Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
