Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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