I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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