I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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