U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
