hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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