forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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