tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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