Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
