I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
